A friend sent me a link to some definitions of kisses as they might be defined according to certain philosophers. E.g., and Aristotelian kiss: a kiss performed using techniques gained solely from theoretical speculation untainted by any experiential data by one who feels that the latter is irrelevant anyway.

I came up with a few others.

The Heidegger kiss: all your kisses are okay, but never as good as before the latinization of Greece.

The Foucault kiss: kissing someone else is a good opportunity to articulate a practice of the care of the self. Too bad for them.

The Derrida kiss: you kiss everywhere, enacting a deconstruction of the binary lip/non-lip.

The Habermas kiss: every kiss is made possible by, and aims to approximate, the inherent assumptions of the ideal kiss situation. Your kisses are always getting better, but you’re not sure whether you’ll ever get there.

The Freud kiss: you’re really trying to kiss your mom.

The Malinowski kiss: you’re really trying to kiss your sister.

The Irigaray kiss: you’re really trying to kiss yourself, you sexist white male obsessed with a dream of auto-affection.

The Lacan kiss: your kiss is actually trying to repair the structural lack at the (non-)centre of language. Only the pathological narcissist really knows why they’re kissing someone.